We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
