Pappa wants mamma naked
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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