Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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