apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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