you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
