Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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