guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
