I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
