He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
