Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize