I feel like abortions should bother me more
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
