They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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