Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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