Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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