After last night, I could never be a politician.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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