areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
