I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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