I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
