you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
