I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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