let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
