you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
