Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
