she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
How external is "for external use only"?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
