Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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