And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
