I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
