I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
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