He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
