Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
