The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm sobbing to NWA
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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