it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Everything about him screamed your future.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
