her vagine was all disorganized.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
