..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
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It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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