He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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