you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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