WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
