You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
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