She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
