Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
can u get pink eye on your cock?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
