Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
