Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
