I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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