Sry I called you an 8
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
