It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
