we're blogging at a bar
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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