we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
