my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Just high enough for therapy.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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