They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Randomize
