great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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