Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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