No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
