Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
