BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
