so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Randomize
