forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
