I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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