Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
