My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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