he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
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