you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
