ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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