Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
