i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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