I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
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