chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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