She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
