Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Randomize
