the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
