Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
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Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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