so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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