I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
