i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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