I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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