remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
