piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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