Hey man sorry I got all grabby
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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