girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
