Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
your like the ambassador to my penis.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Randomize
