i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
